Fear
Thursday, November 18, 2010 at 10:50AM
I am afraid of horses. I don't say that out loud very often, because I think it's a silly thing to be afraid of. I'm not scared of bees, or spiders, or even mice, unless they invade my personal space. I am bigger than all of them, and I know that they really are more afraid of me. Horses on the other hand, don't scurry away when I come around. They stare at me, and look as if they already have me all figured out. That scares me. I don't even have me all figured out.
There weren't any traumatic events from my past, that I can remember, that would justify this fear I have. Actually, the experiences I have had with horses have all been positive. It just doesn't make sense to me, and I hate that I can't fix the way I feel about it.
Lately, I've been having this same frustration about some of the other things I am afraid of...but these things are much bigger than horses. These are the fears that hold me back, and keep me from living a life that's fulfilling...the fear of failure, the fear of success, and the fear of life in general.
When I was a kid, and we went to my grandparent's house, it was a novel thing for all of us to cross the street, and visit the horses that lived there. We would talk to them, feed them grass, and scratch their noses. I did all of this willingly, but with a chest full of anxiety. Nobody knew I was afraid (except maybe the horses).
I feel like I do this with the big things too. I go through the motions even though I'm terrified. So, really, am I brave, or am I just pretending to be brave? Either way, I'm going to keep moving forward until I figure it all out, or this feeling goes away.
I'm not afraid to face my fears. I just want to conquer them, be done with them, and move on. I want to walk into what I see on the other side, and own it.
...and I want the horses to stop staring at me.
Reader Comments (2)
I've read a quote "Courage is feeling the fear, and doing it anyway." Sounds like you are doing that! I don't like horses either and have vowed never to ride another. :) have a great weekend and thanks for your sweet comments. Take care.
One of those faking it til you make it things :) I think there is nothing wrong with that.
(and for the record, I'm honestly not a fan of horses.... i don't know why, and I've never told anyone because it's not socially acceptable ;))