Fear

I am afraid of horses. I don't say that out loud very often, because I think it's a silly thing to be afraid of. I'm not scared of bees, or spiders, or even mice, unless they invade my personal space. I am bigger than all of them, and I know that they really are more afraid of me. Horses on the other hand, don't scurry away when I come around. They stare at me, and look as if they already have me all figured out. That scares me. I don't even have me all figured out.

There weren't any traumatic events from my past, that I can remember, that would justify this fear I have. Actually, the experiences I have had with horses have all been positive. It just doesn't make sense to me, and I hate that I can't fix the way I feel about it.

Lately, I've been having this same frustration about some of the other things I am afraid of...but these things are much bigger than horses. These are the fears that hold me back, and keep me from living a life that's fulfilling...the fear of failure, the fear of success, and the fear of life in general.

When I was a kid, and we went to my grandparent's house, it was a novel thing for all of us to cross the street, and visit the horses that lived there. We would talk to them, feed them grass, and scratch their noses. I did all of this willingly, but with a chest full of anxiety. Nobody knew I was afraid (except maybe the horses).

I feel like I do this with the big things too. I go through the motions even though I'm terrified. So, really, am I brave, or am I just pretending to be brave? Either way, I'm going to keep moving forward until I figure it all out, or this feeling goes away.

I'm not afraid to face my fears. I just want to conquer them, be done with them, and move on. I want to walk into what I see on the other side, and own it.

...and I want the horses to stop staring at me.

Virtual Coffee

Hello, Tuesday! Hello, Coffee Day! I'm having my coffee with the birds today. Care to join me?

It's been my thing lately, to come home after dropping Griffin off at school, make another pot of coffee, then go out and stalk the birds with my camera. They made themselves scarce today though. My mom called while I was out, wanting to talk about kid's games, and favors for my sister-in-laws baby shower this weekend. Anyone have any quick, easy, inexpensive favor ideas? I guess the birds weren't interested in the conversation (mental note-don't take your cell phone bird stalking). This guy didn't seem to mind though...he suggested little paper cups filled with nuts, but that's so overdone.

If we were really having coffee today...I would ask you if it would be okay if I picked your brain a little...

I'm ready to yank my business (kicking an screaming) out of the concept phase, and start producing. The only problem is, I need art...kid's art actually.

The concept, or "mission", I guess, is to use children's artwork to produce certain products...not like promotional products, but more boutiquey-type stuff...jewelry, bags, flower pots, etc...

I'd like to then sell those products, with a portion of the proceeds going to children's charities. Eventually, I'd like to have a website, where kids can upload, and manage their own artwork into a portfolio, which they would get a hard copy of somewhere down the proverbial road, but for now, I'm no where near that goal, technolocially, or financially...so, I need to think of other ways of acquiring the artwork.

My purpose is to encourage kids to use their creativity, and promote good stewardship, by having them actually see the benefit of giving back to their own causes.

So, I was wondering...if I created a linky, maybe once a month, and called it "Magnet Monday", would you be game to link up, show off, and share some of your kids artwork? I was thinking about, possibly even having a randomly chosen winner, and a giveaway of some sort.

Well, that's it in a nutshell (no squirrel pun intended). Let me know what you think, and thanks for having coffee with me today!

And, a special thanks to Amy for hosting this great, get-together every week!

A Little Bit of the Unexpected

I took cookies, and juice into Griffin's preschool today, so that he could celebrate the big 'FOUR' with his classmates. I also brought our special birthday hat, because I'm a tradition crazed mother...I don't think my kids know what it's like to sit around a table full of people, singing "Happy Birthday", without wearing that hat. He put it on on top the the crown the teacher made for him. That's my silly boy.

I used to teach preschool before Madison was born, and then up until she was a year old, when I decided to stay home with her during the day. I remember parents coming in and saying, "I don't know how you do it. I wouldn't have the patience." It's funny, it didn't seem overwhelming to me then, but today, I found myself saying those exact words to Griffin's teachers. I really don't know how they do it, without going completely bonkers. I do know they don't get paid enough for it. Preschool teachers should get the same salary as professional athletes. The job can be just as physically grueling, and it's way more important. Don't get me wrong...I love sports...I just love kids more.

Speaking of kids, not really, but kind of...look what I found today...in someone's trash! Yes, that's right, I'm a garbage picker, and I have no shame. It's a drying rack, I think. That isn't a very good photo of it. It's much taller, and it accordion folds open, with more slats on the sides. I think it will be perfect for hanging artwork on in the summer time! I love finding unusual stuff like this, especially when the price is right. :)

Have you ever found a treasure in someone else's trash before?

And, speaking of trash, not really, actually not at all...I just couldn't think of another way of leading in to tell you how much I'm loving all of the animal activity going on right now, as everyone does their foraging, and getting ready for the winter.

We live in a great place, that's chock full of natural beauty, and I laugh at myself now, because I've turned into somewhat of a wildlife photographer. It all started with the wild turkeys. There are about 15 of them, that hang out at the end of our lane. I've seen them once, and tried taking pictures of them, but I only got one good shot.

I walk down their every day now, hoping to catch a glimpse of them. My neighbors report regular sightings, but I keep missing them! It's turned into quite a joke, but it's okay, because as I've been unsuccessfully searching for one thing, I've been noticing so much more going on around me...the birds, the deer, the squirrels. I'm loving it...and isn't that just the irony of the way life happens sometimes...in the unexpected?

Hay!

It's been a while, so I just wanted to pop in and say, "hay...hey...heeeeey!" Nothing special, nothing profound...just that. I've missed being here. It felt good to press the 'new post' button, even though I don't have much to say.

Time away has been good too, and very much needed. I'm still trying to figure out a balance, but what I realized I was missing was 'input'...time to just take in, and absorb. I was focusing too much on the 'output' side of things, and it was wearing me down.

My house isn't any cleaner, and I'm not any more organized than I was before, but everyone here is well, and my head is a whole lot clearer. I'll take that.

My baby boy turned four yesterday. He was full of smiles, and for the first time, I think he really enjoyed his special day. I wish I had the words to explain how wonderful all of that is, but I don't...not today anyway.

Today, I just wanted to say..."hay...hey...heeey!" What's new with you?

Time

I hate to admit it, but I think I need some time. It almost feels like failure, even though I know it's not. I'm not giving up, I just need to take a step back; figure some things out, and make a plan.

I am, by nature, a pretty optimistic person, but lately, I've been feeling stretched, and my optimism has been waining. I forget sometimes you're suppose to 'stop, drop, roll', instead of running through the fire.

Yesterday, I saw, or read, a lot of really positive things that were inspiring to me. So, it's 'good stuff' that has me going, in hopes of coming back refreshed, and in a better place.

I'm tired of talking about sick kiddos, and a messy house, etc...even though that's real, and that's life...I'd rather have that be the bread, and not the beef...if you know what I mean.

So, hopefully, it won't take too long, and I'll be back here soon, in a better place, with more to give.

XXOO!

Quote of the day - Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore. - Andre Gide